American McCarver

So I’m perusing the internet yesterday, as one does when they get home from work and are putting off making dinner, and I come across a blog or a tweet or a Facebook status (they all blend together at one point; it may have actually been a Google+ post) saying something about LeBron James being on a list of great things about America. My initial reaction was “Huh?” and figuring I read that wrong, did a little research.

And there it was. On CNN. Well, the CNN/Money/Fortune page. Nice conglomeration there. I guess CNN is doing their part to keep the internet small and tidy. Apparently they are also doing their part to embarrass the hell out of America. 

The list is titled 100 Great Things About America, authored by managing editor Andy Serwer, henceforth known as The Man Who Hates America.

Out of the 100 things on that list there were about five where I found myself saying “Yea, ok, I’ll give him that.” The rest - among them a pickup truck, TMZ, Exxon, LinkedIn, the Kardashians and Detroit - made it seem like Serwer got his assignment mixed up and he was supposed to come up with 100 Awful, Horrifying Things About America. But hey, he’s the managing editor so I imagine this whole thing was his idea to begin with. And really, I would have just laughed it off if it weren’t for number 33 on the list of things Americans should feel proud of.

LeBron James.

Number 33 on a list called 100 Great Things About America. The man who, at this point in his career, is one of the most hated stars in all of sports.

What is it about LeBron James that makes him a great part of America? Is it his greed and selfishness? Is it the way he worships at the altar of himself? Is it the way he shoots his mouth off? Is it his clutch play? Is it the way he brings a team together with his leadership to win the big games? I’ve got two more rings than that guy. Sure, they’re wedding rings and they’re both useless at this point, but that won’t stop me from throwing a joke in here about his lack of championship rings.

I can think of so many sports stars who are more fitting to use as a testament to America’s greatness. Tim Duncan. Kurt Warner. Derek Jeter. Peja Stojakovic. The guy’s not even American and he should make the list ahead of LeBron. I’d even rather see Shaq sitting there at number 33 and that’s saying a lot being that I’ve never forgiven him for the fifteen bucks and two hours of my life lost when I took my kids to see Kazaam. 

Under LeBron’s name on the list, Serwer writes: Will America’s biggest loser become a sympathetic figure?

I’m not quite sure how that gets one to qualify as a great thing about a country along with the Navy Seals, Steve Jobs and the Grand Canyon but I’m sure the answer to that question is a resounding no. Any chance he had at garnering sympathy from people who were already on the hate-wagon after the LeBron James ESPN Power Hour (one year ago today!) was lost when, after the Mavericks took the championship from the Heat, he said “All the people that were rooting on me to fail, at the end of the day, they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today. They have the same personal problems they had today.”

In other words “I’m still rich and famous and you’re not.” 

Yea, well we still have one thing in common, LeBron. We have the same amount of NBA championships under our belts. 

There are far better people who could have filled the 33rd spot on that list, among them the fans of the Miami Heat who have to suffer with LeBron’s bloviating. Sure, he may win a title or two while he’s with the team, but he’s still gotta be insufferable to have around.